These jokes have been taken from a book
called "Tommy Cooper Classics". Tommy Cooper is an English comedian
who was popular in the 1970s and 80s.
Some of them involve homonyms (words which
sound the same) and others are plays on words. You may need to ask a British native
speaker to explain some of them. Just ask Viv if you're not sure why they are
amusing.
>1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy some
>marijuana, please press the hash key..."
>
> 2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
>The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
> 3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
>
> 4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
>
>5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..
>
> 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
>"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
>
> 7. I went to a seafood disco last week..and pulled a muscle.
>
>8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
>craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
>
>9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
>10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
>Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
>
>11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."